Sunday, 31 August 2014
Underrated
"Cutting is underrated. It's overlooked and mocked. What people need to learn is that self harming is a problem and it needs to be solved. It won't, or will ever be a fashion statement. It isn't a phase and it sure as hell isn't a joke of any kind."
Poem about self harm
I knew a boy who liked to draw,
He drew pictures that nobody saw.
He was most artistic late at night,
In the bathroom, out of sight.
He didn't tell a soul and his gallery grew.
His drawings were different, no paper and pen,
But needed a bandage now and then.
We stood by the river under the stars,
He rolled up his sleeves and showed me his scars.
He felt embarrassed and looked at at his shoe,
Then I rolled up my sleeves and whispered "I draw too."
He drew pictures that nobody saw.
He was most artistic late at night,
In the bathroom, out of sight.
He didn't tell a soul and his gallery grew.
His drawings were different, no paper and pen,
But needed a bandage now and then.
We stood by the river under the stars,
He rolled up his sleeves and showed me his scars.
He felt embarrassed and looked at at his shoe,
Then I rolled up my sleeves and whispered "I draw too."
-Anonymous (I don't know who wrote it)
Ways to stop cutting part 3
Stopping the need forever
You're nearly there. One more hurdle and you're free...
Method 1-know why you self harm
There are generally 4 reasons to self-harm.
1. Self harming to express pain and emotion.
2. Self harming to calm and soothe yourself.
3. Self harming to feel alive and feel like you're in control of something.
4. Self harming to release anger.
If you self harm to be rid of intense emotions, try getting creative. Start writing, composing, drawing, painting, singing or dancing. Listen to your favourite music. Try writing all your negative thoughts and feeling in a journal and rip it up. Or burn it... Basically destroy it in whatever way floats your boat.
If you self harm to calm down, try relaxing. Do some yoga, go for a long relaxing bubblebath. Anything that makes you feel tranquil, even playing with your pet or cuddling up under a blanket with a cup of hot chocolate or cocoa.
If you self harm to feel like you're in control of something, (feeling numb) you should call a friend, take up a new hobby, get put in a strange environment, eat spicy food, put ice on the crook of your elbow, anything to basically bombard your senses.
If you self harm for releasing anger, make some noise, play the drums, scream, yell, cry, punch pillows, rip up pages of negative thoughts you've written, let that anger out differently.
Method 2-change your environment
It's possible that whatever you're going through isn't a chronic problem. It can seem like its lasting for all eternity but it will leave you alone as soon as you no longer feel the need. That raises another question: How do you change your needs? The answer's really simple. Change your environment. change the people you hang round with for a bit (don't neglect your other friends though), try new things. Eventually you'll start to change. You'll become a different, stronger person. A person who doesn't need to self harm.
Find a passion. Become a writer, musician maybe, or perhaps a gamer or even a runner, the choices are endless. Get into something that gives you a new identity, that you want to spend time on and something to keep your motivation up. Try auditioning for a play or joining a club you like the sound of. Experiment.
Hang with more positive people. Curiously enough, self harm, and the feelings that follow, seem to be contagious, so try to hang with people who bring out the best in you. If a specific person triggers your urge, avoid them.
Method 3-volunteer or look after something
Try directing your energy to the community, or a pet. Volunteer at a shelter or hospital,or you cna give your time to a family member or neighbour in need.
You could try caring for something that's completely dependent on you to survive, like a pet or garden. This way you'll feel productive and dependable and maybe even make you realise that you do matter.
Method 4-love yourself and stay positive
If you hate yourself then there's a high possibility that you will want to hurt yourself when you feel crappy. When you love someone, you would never hurt them. Well newsflash: Yours is the only opinion that matters. What other people think about you is their business and you shouldn't care less. You have one person and one person only to live with. That person is YOU.
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Try making a list of things you like about you. Or compliments people have paid you in the past. Write these things down and refer to them when you're feeling sad and worthless.
Remember it will get better. The key to breaking any habit, addiction or self destructive behavior is patience and persistence.
Make use of your knowledge and strength by helping others. Self harming is a very common problem and you do probably know someone who could use your help. Watch for the same signs and behavior patterns you had in other people and be ready to give aid to someone who's going through a tough time.
You're nearly there. One more hurdle and you're free...
Method 1-know why you self harm
There are generally 4 reasons to self-harm.
1. Self harming to express pain and emotion.
2. Self harming to calm and soothe yourself.
3. Self harming to feel alive and feel like you're in control of something.
4. Self harming to release anger.
If you self harm to be rid of intense emotions, try getting creative. Start writing, composing, drawing, painting, singing or dancing. Listen to your favourite music. Try writing all your negative thoughts and feeling in a journal and rip it up. Or burn it... Basically destroy it in whatever way floats your boat.
If you self harm to calm down, try relaxing. Do some yoga, go for a long relaxing bubblebath. Anything that makes you feel tranquil, even playing with your pet or cuddling up under a blanket with a cup of hot chocolate or cocoa.
If you self harm to feel like you're in control of something, (feeling numb) you should call a friend, take up a new hobby, get put in a strange environment, eat spicy food, put ice on the crook of your elbow, anything to basically bombard your senses.
If you self harm for releasing anger, make some noise, play the drums, scream, yell, cry, punch pillows, rip up pages of negative thoughts you've written, let that anger out differently.
Method 2-change your environment
It's possible that whatever you're going through isn't a chronic problem. It can seem like its lasting for all eternity but it will leave you alone as soon as you no longer feel the need. That raises another question: How do you change your needs? The answer's really simple. Change your environment. change the people you hang round with for a bit (don't neglect your other friends though), try new things. Eventually you'll start to change. You'll become a different, stronger person. A person who doesn't need to self harm.
Find a passion. Become a writer, musician maybe, or perhaps a gamer or even a runner, the choices are endless. Get into something that gives you a new identity, that you want to spend time on and something to keep your motivation up. Try auditioning for a play or joining a club you like the sound of. Experiment.
Hang with more positive people. Curiously enough, self harm, and the feelings that follow, seem to be contagious, so try to hang with people who bring out the best in you. If a specific person triggers your urge, avoid them.
Method 3-volunteer or look after something
Try directing your energy to the community, or a pet. Volunteer at a shelter or hospital,or you cna give your time to a family member or neighbour in need.
You could try caring for something that's completely dependent on you to survive, like a pet or garden. This way you'll feel productive and dependable and maybe even make you realise that you do matter.
Method 4-love yourself and stay positive
If you hate yourself then there's a high possibility that you will want to hurt yourself when you feel crappy. When you love someone, you would never hurt them. Well newsflash: Yours is the only opinion that matters. What other people think about you is their business and you shouldn't care less. You have one person and one person only to live with. That person is YOU.
Try making a list of things you like about you. Or compliments people have paid you in the past. Write these things down and refer to them when you're feeling sad and worthless.
Remember it will get better. The key to breaking any habit, addiction or self destructive behavior is patience and persistence.
Make use of your knowledge and strength by helping others. Self harming is a very common problem and you do probably know someone who could use your help. Watch for the same signs and behavior patterns you had in other people and be ready to give aid to someone who's going through a tough time.
Ways to stop cutting part 2
Preventing The Next Episode
Method 1-remove anything you have used to self harm before
9 times out of 10, if you have to look for something to self harm with, it will crush the impulse. Don't keep sharp things on surfaces nearby. don't put razors or lighters or anything like that in close drawers or cupboards.
If you feel like you can't throw them out, try wrapping your tools up tight and on a shelf that's hard to reach. Remember to distract yourself when the urge comes round. Or you could give them to someone else, guaranteeing you wont be able to find them. You will be mad at first, but you'll thank them later...
Method 2-reward yourself
Every day, if you haven't self harmed, draw yourself a picture. Stick it up on the wall above or beside your bed. That way, every time you go to sleep, you can see the pictures and remind yourself of how strong you are, and how far you've come. If you cut, you have to take the pictures down and start over.
If you don't want to draw, make a paper chain. For every day that you don't self harm, add a link to the chain. If you cut, you have to start again. It will serve as a constant reminder of how well you're doing, supplying you with the motivation to carry on not harming yourself.
Method 3-stop it before it starts
What's the point in doing all this work if you're just going to self harm? As soon as you start to feel the urge, deep breath, fold your arms and relax. Tell yourself that no matter what, you aren't going to self harm. Stay well away from any object that could be used to self harm. This will make it easier not to break your resolution. Lie or sit down, and stay like that until the urge passes, then phone a friend or family member or even a hotline (hotlines mentioned in part 1).
It gets easier. As you successfully let the urge pass without self harming , you will realise how easy it is. Once you conquer one, think about what happened. What worked for you? How good did you feel after?
Method 4-imagine yourself being a bff
Imagine your best friend is about to cut. What would you say? How would you convince them not to? Follow your own advice.
Method 1-remove anything you have used to self harm before
9 times out of 10, if you have to look for something to self harm with, it will crush the impulse. Don't keep sharp things on surfaces nearby. don't put razors or lighters or anything like that in close drawers or cupboards.
If you feel like you can't throw them out, try wrapping your tools up tight and on a shelf that's hard to reach. Remember to distract yourself when the urge comes round. Or you could give them to someone else, guaranteeing you wont be able to find them. You will be mad at first, but you'll thank them later...
Method 2-reward yourself
Every day, if you haven't self harmed, draw yourself a picture. Stick it up on the wall above or beside your bed. That way, every time you go to sleep, you can see the pictures and remind yourself of how strong you are, and how far you've come. If you cut, you have to take the pictures down and start over.
If you don't want to draw, make a paper chain. For every day that you don't self harm, add a link to the chain. If you cut, you have to start again. It will serve as a constant reminder of how well you're doing, supplying you with the motivation to carry on not harming yourself.Method 3-stop it before it starts
What's the point in doing all this work if you're just going to self harm? As soon as you start to feel the urge, deep breath, fold your arms and relax. Tell yourself that no matter what, you aren't going to self harm. Stay well away from any object that could be used to self harm. This will make it easier not to break your resolution. Lie or sit down, and stay like that until the urge passes, then phone a friend or family member or even a hotline (hotlines mentioned in part 1).
It gets easier. As you successfully let the urge pass without self harming , you will realise how easy it is. Once you conquer one, think about what happened. What worked for you? How good did you feel after?
Method 4-imagine yourself being a bff
Imagine your best friend is about to cut. What would you say? How would you convince them not to? Follow your own advice.
Ways to stop cutting part 1
Self harm happens most often when you feel so numb, your emotions are uncontrollable. It will, in a sense, give you the power to feel alive and feel something real- you have the power to make something happen to you that no one else can. There are so many different ways to stop, but the most important thing is to remember that you, yes you reading this, are B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L and you will be OK. Hopefully this will help you stay strong in this time of hardship.
Overcoming The Urge
Method 1- distract yourself
Go to somewhere you can't cut. If you're at home, go lie on your bed. take your phone, a pencil and paper and NOTHING else. This is basically giving yourself a mature time-out. If you're outside, find somewhere out in the open, like a park bench or anyway in full view of others. Plant yourself there. Know that it shall pass and keep saying it to yourself. If you say it enough times, you will end up believing it.
Right now is all about distractions, so if you can make a call, do it. You don't even have to tell the person what the issue is, just talk about anything. Catch up on gossip, chat about things you like... that sort of thing. They'll bring you away from whatever's going on.
If you can't make a phone call, find something to concentrate on. Try to make yourself physically uncomfortable. If the sun is too bright, stay there. If your ass is falling asleep, stay put.
Speak out loud about what is causing your pain, even to yourself in the privacy provided by the four walls of your room. Doing this will help relieve you of the tension and allow time to let thee urge to pass. Talking loudly in clear, understandable words can make your situation clearer and less difficult to solve. It also helps to relax you and will let you breathe easier. if writing it down is easier and seems less crazy than talking to yourself or a random stranger, write it all down. Grab a pen, pencil, tube of lipstick, whatever you can find and let the words flow out. Bottling up your emotions will make it worse!!!
Method 2- the butterfly method
Whenever you feel the urge to harm yourself, draw a butterfly where you want to do so and name it after a loved one. If you cut there anyway, the butterfly dies. If it wears off, the butterfly is released and free in the wild. When it wears off, congratulate yourself- YOU DID IT!!!
Method 3- the pen method
Take a red pen and draw lines, squiggles, symbols, whatever you want all over where you would have cut, then count them. That's how many scars you won't have.
Method 4- TELL SOMEONE
You can go tell people what's going on. They wont bite. This is probably one of the hardest things to do, but as most difficult things go, it's important to do so. Creating a stable system of support can and will help you move from cutting to recovery. Best people to confide in are close friends and family.
Don't confide in a fellow cutter, since you will probably end up discussing methods and incidents instead of helping you recover. Tell someone you trust and respect... Someone who can help you improve.
Ignore any feelings of shame, even if you can only do it for a second. You only need the time it takes to let the words out. Since you've chosen someone trusted enough to be told this, they will care for you enough to help you focus on helping yourself instead of making you feel crummy and shame.
Don't worry if your chosen persons response is shock, fear or disgust at first. Most people who have never self harmed don't understand the urge to do this but that doesn't mean they wont listen and be compassionate.
The best plan is to tell the person not to tell anyone. Explain that you don't want your situation leaking out and it would help you to recover if you knew that your secret was safe with them.
Ask them if you could talk to them when you feel the urge. Having someone to talk to when you feel crap can distract you from cutting, therefore speeding up your recovery.
If you ever feel like you cant talk to anyone you know about your self harm, call a hotline. The staff at the other end of the line are trained to provide advice, support and alternatives to cutting. If you can't talk to anyone close yet, the hotlines aren't tracked and you can talk anonymously about your problems. Try to make a habit of this when your about to cut. Here are some hotlines you can call:
For the US:
1-800-273-TALK (8255): National Suicide Prevention Hotline, a 24-hour crisis line for if you're about to self-harm.
1-800-334-HELP (4357): The Self-Injury Foundation's 24-hour crisis line.
1-800-366-8288: S.A.F.E. Alternatives information line for immediate support and/or referrals to a local physician .
For the UK:
Call the Samaritans at 08457 90 90 90. They're an agency that runs 24/7 dedicated to moments like these.
Childline (for children and teens) can be reached at 0800 1111. The number is free and will not show up on your phone bill.
If you are outside the US and the UK, visit www.befrienders.org for hotline information in your country.
YOU MUST KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LOVED. If you can't think of anyone who loves you, you're obviously not looking in the right places. Someone loves you and never wants you to be hurt. There are good Samaritans in the world. People do care.
You must have done a good job in hiding this habit, so maybe the reason people seem like they don't care is because they simply don't know. I bet if they knew, their attitude would change instantly. You have to let people know how they can help or they simply can't.
Overcoming The Urge
Method 1- distract yourself
Go to somewhere you can't cut. If you're at home, go lie on your bed. take your phone, a pencil and paper and NOTHING else. This is basically giving yourself a mature time-out. If you're outside, find somewhere out in the open, like a park bench or anyway in full view of others. Plant yourself there. Know that it shall pass and keep saying it to yourself. If you say it enough times, you will end up believing it.
Right now is all about distractions, so if you can make a call, do it. You don't even have to tell the person what the issue is, just talk about anything. Catch up on gossip, chat about things you like... that sort of thing. They'll bring you away from whatever's going on.
If you can't make a phone call, find something to concentrate on. Try to make yourself physically uncomfortable. If the sun is too bright, stay there. If your ass is falling asleep, stay put.
Speak out loud about what is causing your pain, even to yourself in the privacy provided by the four walls of your room. Doing this will help relieve you of the tension and allow time to let thee urge to pass. Talking loudly in clear, understandable words can make your situation clearer and less difficult to solve. It also helps to relax you and will let you breathe easier. if writing it down is easier and seems less crazy than talking to yourself or a random stranger, write it all down. Grab a pen, pencil, tube of lipstick, whatever you can find and let the words flow out. Bottling up your emotions will make it worse!!!
Method 2- the butterfly method
Whenever you feel the urge to harm yourself, draw a butterfly where you want to do so and name it after a loved one. If you cut there anyway, the butterfly dies. If it wears off, the butterfly is released and free in the wild. When it wears off, congratulate yourself- YOU DID IT!!!
Method 3- the pen method
Take a red pen and draw lines, squiggles, symbols, whatever you want all over where you would have cut, then count them. That's how many scars you won't have.
Method 4- TELL SOMEONE
You can go tell people what's going on. They wont bite. This is probably one of the hardest things to do, but as most difficult things go, it's important to do so. Creating a stable system of support can and will help you move from cutting to recovery. Best people to confide in are close friends and family.
Don't confide in a fellow cutter, since you will probably end up discussing methods and incidents instead of helping you recover. Tell someone you trust and respect... Someone who can help you improve.
Ignore any feelings of shame, even if you can only do it for a second. You only need the time it takes to let the words out. Since you've chosen someone trusted enough to be told this, they will care for you enough to help you focus on helping yourself instead of making you feel crummy and shame.
Don't worry if your chosen persons response is shock, fear or disgust at first. Most people who have never self harmed don't understand the urge to do this but that doesn't mean they wont listen and be compassionate.
The best plan is to tell the person not to tell anyone. Explain that you don't want your situation leaking out and it would help you to recover if you knew that your secret was safe with them.
Ask them if you could talk to them when you feel the urge. Having someone to talk to when you feel crap can distract you from cutting, therefore speeding up your recovery.
If you ever feel like you cant talk to anyone you know about your self harm, call a hotline. The staff at the other end of the line are trained to provide advice, support and alternatives to cutting. If you can't talk to anyone close yet, the hotlines aren't tracked and you can talk anonymously about your problems. Try to make a habit of this when your about to cut. Here are some hotlines you can call:
For the US:
1-800-273-TALK (8255): National Suicide Prevention Hotline, a 24-hour crisis line for if you're about to self-harm.
1-800-334-HELP (4357): The Self-Injury Foundation's 24-hour crisis line.
1-800-366-8288: S.A.F.E. Alternatives information line for immediate support and/or referrals to a local physician .
For the UK:
Call the Samaritans at 08457 90 90 90. They're an agency that runs 24/7 dedicated to moments like these.
Childline (for children and teens) can be reached at 0800 1111. The number is free and will not show up on your phone bill.
If you are outside the US and the UK, visit www.befrienders.org for hotline information in your country.
YOU MUST KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LOVED. If you can't think of anyone who loves you, you're obviously not looking in the right places. Someone loves you and never wants you to be hurt. There are good Samaritans in the world. People do care.
You must have done a good job in hiding this habit, so maybe the reason people seem like they don't care is because they simply don't know. I bet if they knew, their attitude would change instantly. You have to let people know how they can help or they simply can't.
Poem from a person who self harmed
Painting with a razor
on the canvas of the skin,
the scars left on the outside
are nothing to those within.
So colour it in scarlet
and paint it white,
something to remind you
of what you know wasn't right.
on the canvas of the skin,
the scars left on the outside
are nothing to those within.
So colour it in scarlet
and paint it white,
something to remind you
of what you know wasn't right.
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